Won't Ever Let You Go
by crakels
Summary: Dean has always had everything good in his life taken away from him somehow. Now that he feels Castiel is drifting away, how will he deal with it and try to keep Cas close before he feels he's lost him for good?


Dean Winchester couldn't recall a time when he best friend Castiel hadn't been there for him in times of need. Castiel was there for every single important event in dean's life. He was there when it was their first day of school in kindergarten, his first lab partner in middle school, and he was there when Dean graduated high school. He was also there for all of the bad times too. Like when Dean's father, John, became so depressed by the death of Dean's mother when he was four that he sank into an alcoholic oblivion from which there seemed no return. This left Dean to care for his younger brother Sam; which took quite the toll on both of the brothers, yet there Castiel was still loyal to Dean.

Castiel was there when Dean's father really wasn't, he was there when Dean was feeling really depressed about his mom, and he was there when Sam made the decision to go to law school. Dean couldn't have been more proud of his baby brother, but it still kind of hurt him that Sam would be on the other side of the whole country leaving Dean alone, or so he thought. When Castiel came to Dean, expressing his feelings towards Dean, Dean was totally caught off guard but realized that he equally returned the feelings.

When Castiel first brought it up, Dean thought it wasn't that big of a deal. He thought, why not? He spends most of his time with Cas anyway, and they were already together, so why not move in together? It was just an idea at the time, but now that they'd packed all their stuff, put it onto a truck, unpacked all their stuff and moved it into their apartment, it was really hitting Dean. _They're moving in together_. A wide smile broke out on his face.

He and Castiel were standing in front of their couch, taking a break from hours of unpacking, when Dean let himself fall onto the couch, pulling Castiel down into his arms with him. "I hereby consecrate this day, on the basis of it being the beginning of a beautiful life together!" Dean laughed, kissing the side of Castiel's face.

Castiel smiled, leaning into Dean's embrace. He turned his head to look up at Dean. "I really like this place, but I feel that it's still maybe missing something? Perhaps we should get a pet; Maybe a cat?" Castiel's blue eyes sparkled from the incoming light from the large windows.

Dean smirked down at him, "I know how we can make this place 'ours'…" Dean gave Castiel his signature suggestive eyebrow wiggle. Castiel rolled his eyes and laughed, "C'mon Dean, you can't be serious. We still have boxes to unpack. Besides, the bed isn't even-"

"The bed is set up. I set it all up while you were on a coffee run." Dean cut in before Castiel could finish his sentence. Castiel blinked up at Dean, then hopped up off the couch and sprinted to the bedroom, while calling out to Dean, "_Well we _do_ need to take a break after all_..."

Dean chuckled as he got up going after Castiel.

* * *

A few months have passed since they moved in together and everything is going great. Castiel has received a promotion that allows him to do what he really wants to do; meanwhile Dean is happy as ever just dealing with cars down at Bobby's shop. Life is good. Nothing to complain about, nothing to worry about.

Every day is based on a simple routine; Dean and Cas wake up, get ready, and share a quick coffee before Dean dropped off Castiel at his job then drives to his own place of work. This daily regimen works quite well for the both of them, and it's always the same until one day.

Dean let out a growl when he turned over, moving his forearm to cover his eyes from the morning sun, "It's too damn early for the sun to be peaking through the curtains…" His gruff voice sounding even rougher because of the early hour.

"Then perhaps we should get opaque curtains that would allow you your beauty rest." Castiel suggested, turning over to face Dean, his eyes squinting from the over baring light.

"Me? Need beauty rest? Cas, _please_…Don't you know that this face is just a god given blessing. It comes naturally." Dean gave Cas a playful smirk. Castiel simply smiled back, "I could spend all day here with you, the imbibition of your presence really helps ease my inauspicious days. However I have to get up, I've been called in today." Cas spoke as he made his way out of the bed. Dean made movements to get up as well but Castiel stilled his motion.

"No you don't have to get up, just go back to bed. I'll probably be back by the time you wake up anyway." Castiel said as he continued on with his getting ready.

"Don't you need a ride to work though?" Dean asked, as he sat up, watching Cas get dressed.

"No, I've arranged a ride with one of my coworkers." Castiel walked into the bathroom, continuing to talk to Dean.

"I made sure that I wouldn't have to make you get out of bed, so worry about it." Castiel came out of the bathroom and walked up to Dean's side of the bed as he finished tying his tie. He leaned over and gave Dean a sweet kiss.

"I'll see you later on, 'kay? Love you." Castiel finished grabbing his coat and book bag, walking out of the bedroom, calling out to Dean as he left.

Dean remained in the bed, as he watched him walk out. Once he heard the door shut from downstairs, he glanced around the silent room. He yawned as he shrugged, lying back down on the bed, returning to slumber.

Dean woke again at the buzzing of a text message and a missed call on his phone. They were from Bobby, something about needing him for some extra hours. He looked at the time and saw that if he got up, he'd make it just in time to meet Cas for lunch.

Dean got up; got ready and headed out, deciding not to tell Cas he was on his way, figuring that it'd make for a great surprise.

When he showed up at Cas' job, he momentarily got lost, but then thankfully found his way to Cas' office. Castiel was deeply invested in whatever book he was reading this week, not taking notice to Dean standing in the doorway.

"Wow. You are one nerdy little dude, ya know that Cas?" Dean chuckled, leaning on the door frame, crossing his arms.

Cas looked up, barely visible over the many tomes stacked on his desk giving a fortress like appearance. He had on his reading glasses, which magnified his already giant sapphire eyes. Cas blinked, he shock evident o his face.

"Dean, what are you doing here?" He questioned as he fixed his tie and tried to clear a spot for Dean to sit down.

"Ya know, I think I'm really developing a glasses kink, Cas." He smirked, walking in. "No don't bother; I'm here to take you to lunch. I'm sure you weren't planning on going, so I came down here take you. C'mon, it's already past noon. I'll take us to your favorite burger joint." Dean did 'c'mon' head nod just when some guy popped his head into Castiel's office.

"Hey Cas, you ready to go? I just finished my work and-" the guy stopped mid-sentence when he noticed Dean.

"Oh hey, Dean right? I'm Adam, nice to meet you." He stuck out his hand to shake Dean's. Dean nodded, taking the younger guy's hand. "Yeah hey, nice to meet ya too." He turned back to face Cas. "Did you already have lunch plans?" Dean's question was seemingly straight forward, but Castiel saw through Dean's tone. He'd seen the way Dean's eye twitched as the use of his nickname. Castiel glanced between Adam and Dean.

"Oh, nah Cas if you want to go with Dean that's fine. We can have lunch together another time." Adam offered, seeing what he had stumbled upon. Dean shook his head, "No, it's okay. You guys go ahead. Bobby needed me at the shop anyway." He said this with a friendly enough tone, but Castiel knew this would only get worse if he tried to fix it here. He steeled himself for whatever was to come later at home.

Dean nodded at Adam as he walked out; turning before he left the room, "See ya, _Cas_." He put a kind of negative emphasis on Castiel's name. Cas could only wave goodbye, the palpability of his hurt and confusion marked by his facial expression.

This would only be the beginning of what was to come in the following months. That night when Castiel had returned home, the argument between them was bad enough, but they were able to work past it for the most part. Things went back to their normal pattern; Castiel was happy and thought everything was fine, but Dean held on to a sort of enmity for not only Adam, but the rest of Castiel's coworkers, because after that first incident, similar things kept happening.

Castiel would stay later at his job, he would go out with the 'guys from work' instead of letting Dean take him to lunch, he spent quite a bit of time with this Adam kid, and even went on weekend trips with these coworkers. Castiel said he really hated spending all this time away from home, _from Dean_, but he said it was all to get that one job position he really wanted. He said that once he got that job, he'd make sure to make up for all the lost time with Dean. But Dean didn't quite buy it, he knew better. How he'd been endowed with the blessing of having Castiel in his life, he'd never ceased to be amazed by, but he always had a feeling that it would somehow be taken away.

Just like with his mom. That fire took his mom away when he was a kid. Of course Dean knew he couldn't have done anything then, since he was just a kid, but damn did it upset him when he thought about how he'd been denied growing up with a mother. Then he thought about his father, where had he been when he needed him most? Out somewhere trying to drown his sorrows. Dean hadn't thought it so bad when he was younger, but as he grew up, while also helping his younger brother to grow up, it really weighed in on him how horrible it all was, but then when he thought about it, there had always been that flicker of light and hope in his life; Castiel. Castiel had always been there, and he promised that he always would be, but even now that's being threatened. Their whole relationship was a risk. Dean thought long and hard about this.

He knew if he didn't act, Castiel would also be taken from him. He knew what he had to do.

Dean sat in the kitchen, the light overhead giving his face a shadowy look. He heard the familiar sound of Castiel walking in, once again having spent extra time at his job. Dean didn't bother to get up, be simply spun the glass bottle in his hand, watching the way the dark liquid inside it swished back and forth.

Castiel called out for Dean from the living room as he walked into the kitchen. "Hey…there you are. Didn't you hear me calling you?" Castiel had taken off his coat and tie before he walked into the room, leaving him in a simple white dress shirt. He smiled and walked toward Dean, leaning down to give him a kiss. Dean didn't turn away. But he didn't return the action either.

**This was Castiel's first sign.**

"Sorry I showed up late again." Castiel lowered his gaze, not wanting to have to look into dean's eyes and see the anger. "If makes you feel better, I didn't want to stay late either." Castiel took a seat directly across from Dean. "It was a hard day, dealing with all those pompous fools; trying to tell me how to do my job." Castiel could feel the agitation in the air and tried his best to clear it.

Dean glanced at Castiel as he sat down, and then looked right at him, green glaring into those endless blue orbs.

"And now you have the audacity to lie right to my face. I mean, c'mon, tell me there isn't a part of you that's not staying there because you don't want to come back here." Dean had been slump back in his chair, but now sat up, pulling himself closer to Cas to look him dead in the eyes.

"Do you even want to be here anymore…?" Dean's inquiry wasn't so much meant for Castiel as it was an out loud thought.

"_Of course_!" Castiel's response was quicker than Dean had expected, and Castiel's face knotted into one of offence. "How could you think I wouldn't? Being here with you is has always been and always will be an auspicious part of my life. "Dean, whatever this is about, just tell me. Do you not trust me anymore, Dean?" Castiel's attitude shifted from defensive to worried as he said this.

Dean didn't miss a beat however, staying strong in his accusing tone. "Your credibility with me hasn't always been at its best Cas, how _can_ I trust you?" Dean stood up, and walked to the kitchen sink, glass bottle in hand.

Castiel's hurt was too much; he scanned the room, though not actually looking for anything. His thoughts were frayed, and he couldn't even process what Dean was saying. He stood up abruptly and turned to face Dean's back.

"Dean I don't even understand where this is coming from, what does this have to do with anything and why are you acting so cold?" Castiel's voice was fairly deep, but as he spoke it broke and cracked from the emotional strain building up within him.

Dean turned his head slightly, eyes dark with anger. "What, you want me to count all the times you messed up?" His tone was cold and spiteful.

"Yes, please! Dean, please enumerate all these times that I have messed up that grant me this stony behavior, because I really don't understand. This is all so gratuitous."

Dean turned in a fit of rage, throwing the glass bottle in his hand across the room, shattering it into thousands of pieces against the wall. Castiel flinched at the loud sound, shielding himself from any flying shards.

Dean had a completely new look on his face. Pure fury flowed through his entire aura, giving Castiel a very bad feeling.

**This was Castiel's second warning.**

"You want me to go into explicit freaking detail of ever time you came damn near to killing me because of some stupid mistake you made in the past?!" His shouts were loud, but his words rang louder in Castiel's ears.

Dean felt as though Castiel had hurt him? Why was this the first he'd ever heard about it?

"I'm talking about right freaking now, Cas! What's going on with you? You spend all you time at work, and don't even try to sell me this crap of it's for your job. You can't possibly want that job more than you want me, right Cas?" Dean took a few steps forward, giving Castiel a pleading look at the end of his confrontation.

Even though Dean was sold on the idea that he wasn't worth the ground he walked on, he really wanted to believe that Cas thought better of him. But if Cas was trying to leave him now, like everyone else had, just like his mom, dad, and even Sammy. Just like everyone else had left him, he couldn't live with that. He wouldn't.

Castiel was stunned; he had no idea how to respond, what would he say? What could he say? Yes of course he loved Dean; he loved Dean more than any other person in the world, but he wasn't going to lie; his career was a close second, but Dean defiantly came first.

Castiel's lack of an answer was enough of an answer itself. Dean made up his mind in that single moment.

Dean turned away from Castiel, and all was silent in the seconds leading up to when Dean whipped right around, making his closed fist come into direct contact with Castiel's face.

**This was Castiel's _final _cautioning.**

Castiel fell to the ground, and Dean took this moment to walk over to where they kept the cooking utensils, opening the drawer, pulling out the sharpest knife he could find. He turned back to Cas who was trying to get back up.

"Dean…Dean…wh-what are you doing?" Castiel's voice was broken more now than before, and he hadn't noticed the knife in Dean's hands as he approached him.

Dean took hold of Castiel by his upper arm, pulling him up, keeping his gaze to the floor. Castiel faced Dean, and the saw what Dean was holding and immediately tried to pull away, eyes widening.

Dean kept a death grip on his arm though, not allowing Castiel to escape his grasp. Castiel tried to remonstrate by fighting back, doing his best to not allow Dean to pin him down, or against the wall, but Dean was much stronger than him; he'd always been stronger, ever since they were kids. The sudden realization of what was going to unfold here tonight hit him; His best friend, first friend, lover, first lover, and _last_ lover was about to kill him. The thought made his face _wan_.

Dean threw him up against the wall, pulling up the knife, ready strike. Castiel no longer tried to fight back, he knew he wasn't going to get out of this. His life actually did flash before his eyes, and not surprisingly, all of his memories where filled with Dean. Time spent with Dean, time spent thinking about Dean, how could he get Dean? How could he keep Dean? How could he make Dean happy. These were Castiel's final thoughts as the cold sharp blade pierced the warm flesh of his chest. Castiel didn't scream or yell in pain, but instead let out a small gasp.

Dean continued to stab into Castiel's chest, repeatedly so to the point where the blood splattered up onto Dean's face. The fervidity in which Dean carried out the bloody action was clear. How could any one mistake this as an act of cold blood murder? No one could question if Dean ever loved Castiel now. Now when so obviously this was an act meant to keep Castiel close to Dean forever, because Dean loved him so much, he _wouldn't_ let him go.

After Dean had long finished the bloody sin, he sat there on the kitchen floor holding Castiel in his arms, tears rolling down his face, a small broken smile on his lips.

"Yes Cas, can't you see? By keeping you with me forever, it obviates any reason for you to have to choose between your passion, or your love."

When Dean finally got up, he looked at what he had done and broke further than he already had. He took sedulous care of Cas' body, because he'd never let harm come to Castiel. He gently picked up Castiel's body and took him to their bedroom, placed him in the bed and crawled into the bed next to him.

"_Goodnight Cas. I'll see you in heaven_." He pulled the body into his embrace and closed his eyes for the last time.

When the police finally find them, a week has past. The decomposing isn't too bad, but the smell is vomit-inducing, and the officer who finds them had to see a therapist after he saw the bodies in the bed.

The crime scene investigators discovered an empty bottle of paranoid schizophrenia medication that had been refilled the day of the suspected murder-suicide.

It was then released that Dean Winchester had a propensity for mental illness after the death of his mother at the young age of four years.


End file.
